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How does someone walk away from their child and still have a conscience?
I could never walk away. Everything my daughter is, is because of me. My ex on the other hand stopped being a Father. "Our" daughter was only four when she last saw him, she is now twelve.
He never took parenting as a responsibility. It was more of an extracurricular activity to him.
With him not calling days turned to years which eventually turned him into a total stranger.
He is self employed owning two businesses. I cannot prove his income which in short means no child support. Being self employed is a cop out as I could never verify his true income. We did the court thing. I received soul custody. He managed to get visitation (providing he did 6 visits with me present. He gave up after the fifth. He was always running late regardless.) He lives just 4 hours away. He takes no responsibility for his actions. Passing the blame upon me. I have heard that he tells people it is my fault that he doesn't have a relationship with our daughter. When it was myself who never restricted him from seeing her or ever pursued her not to. My ex would play with our daughters emotions for the intention of hurting me. I to this day have never uttered one bad word about him in response to her.
Throughout the court process he never mentioned her name once. He just kept trying to put me down, making me look like the unstable one. He is missing out on a great kid!! That is his loss, not hers!It wasn't anything she did. This was the choice of a man who called himself a parent. He would put on a show when he was with her allowing people to believe he was this great dad. When in reality he was the one who walked away from her.
The big question with her wasn't to why he wasn't a part of her life it was. "Do I have to love him Mom"? "I don't know him and he knows nothing of me." Mom "I don't even like him is that ok?"
Love is earned point blank. He has done nothing to earn her trust or affection. My answer is NO! No--You have no obligation to love him.
I wonder if she will struggle with that in the future?.
I can't help but think that if he was deceased, If that was the reason he couldn't/ wasn't in her life would it be easier?
It must be hard to know that he is out there and doesn't want anything to do with her.
I cannot imagine what she is feeling.
My daughter and I are inseparable. She is my everything.
I work for a minimum wage. We are doing just fine. I manage. I do have stresses. I have not allowed them to get the best of me.
It's been an emotional roller coaster for both her and I.
We are there to support each other. She knows that even though her Dad chooses not to be in her life it doesn't mean that her life isn't important.
She knows that it's not her fault.
Just seeing her and how much she has flourished is the greatest reward ever. That in itself makes this journey worth it even more. Being a solo parent is tough but at least I want to be a parent. I am making every possible effort to make sure that "my" daughter knows that I will never give up!
I am tired of the stereotypes;
Just because I am a solo parent doesn't mean that my child is lacking anything. (Except for the attention from her Father.) She is flourishing in her education, She has respect and is emotionally sound. She also has a positive attitude and is very responsible.
Perhaps it's time to shift our attention to these absentee fathers, holding them accountable. After all it does take two to create a child.
